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2. Before starting: safety check

Only begin if you can honestly say:

“I am in a safe place now.”
“I can stop whenever I want.”
“I have at least one grounding method ready.”
“I am not trying to force myself through something unbearable.”

Self-help therapies can bring up discomfort when focusing on trauma-related memories or beliefs. Grounding is important because it can help you when you’re overwhelmed by memories, strong emotions, or dissociation. It helps improve the feeling of being in the here and now.

Stop the session if distress rises too high, you feel unreal or detached, you feel unsafe, you lose track of the present, or you start pushing yourself to “get it over with.”

3. How to use the tool

Step 1 – Describe the memory

Write just enough to trigger the feelings or emotions caused by the memory. You do not need to describe every detail.

A good memory cue is short and specific:

“The moment when he shouted at me in the kitchen and I froze.”

Avoid writing a long life story. Pick one scene, not a whole chapter. The mind processes better when the target is specific. An effective way to process a long story is to break it up into multiple memory cues and work on them in multiple sessions.

Step 2 – Add anchor words

The tool asks for “a word, sentence, or several phrases” to pair with the memory as a stabilizing focus. Its placeholder examples are: “I am safe now. I survived. I have control.”

These anchor words are not magic affirmations. They are adaptive beliefs: words that help the nervous system update the memory with present-day safety, dignity, choice, and truth.

In formal EMDR, later phases include strengthening a positive belief associated with the target event, scanning the body for leftover disturbance, closure, and reevaluation. This tool simplifies this into a self-guided “memory + repairing words” format, where, for each stage of healing, you pick the anchor words yourself.

Step 3 – Review

Read the memory and anchor words together. Ask:

“Is this too much today?”
“Do the anchor words feel believable enough?”
“Can I stop if needed?”

If the anchor words feel fake, adjust them before starting. For example: “I am completely safe” may feel unbelievable, but “I am safer now than I was then” may feel good enough.

Step 4 – Start the session

Follow the moving light with your eyes. Let your attention move between the memory and the anchor words. A soundscape and guiding sounds that fade from left to right can be enabled to improve the bilateral movement effect that the tool uses to calm you.

Do not stare aggressively. Let your eyes follow naturally. Breathe slowly.

4. The “mind tricks” to use, and when

Use “dual awareness” during the session

This means: one part of your attention notices the memory, while another part stays anchored in the present.

Say internally:

“That was then. I am here now.”

This matches the logic of EMDR: someone calls the trauma to mind while also paying attention to a back-and-forth movement or sound, which helps them stay present while processing the past.

Use this when the memory starts to feel too real, too close, or like it is happening again.

Use “small slices” when the memory is strong

Do not process the whole trauma at once. Pick the smallest tolerable piece: one image, one sentence, one body sensation, or one moment.

Use this when: the memory feels large, confusing, or overwhelming.

Example:

Instead of:

“My whole childhood.”

Use:

“The moment I heard footsteps in the hallway.”

Use “zoom out” when you get flooded

Imagine watching the memory on a screen. Move the screen farther away. Make it smaller. Lower the volume. Remind yourself that you are observing a memory, not re-entering the event.

SAMHSA’s trauma-informed grounding guidance includes strategies such as an “emotion dial,” safe-place imagery, distraction, focusing on the external environment, and self-talk about current safety.

Use this when: emotions rise above what you can tolerate.

Use “orienting” when you feel dissociated

Look around the room and name concrete facts:

“I am in my room.”
“It is 2026.”
“The door is closed.”
“My feet are on the floor.”
“The danger is not happening now.”

It’s recommended to keep your eyes open, look around, notice where you are, remind yourself what year it is, and tell yourself the trauma happened in the past and you are in the present when flashbacks occur.

Use this when: you feel unreal, numb, floaty, frozen, or pulled into the past.

Use “pendulation” between memory and safety

Move attention back and forth:

Memory → anchor words → body → room → memory → anchor words.

Do not stay locked on the memory. The goal is not to suffer harder. The goal is to let the brain touch the memory while repeatedly returning to safety.

Use this when: the memory is manageable but emotionally charged.

Use “body checking” after a round

After following the light for a short period, pause and ask:

“Where do I feel this in my body?”
“Is the sensation changing?”
“Is it moving, softening, or getting stronger?”
“What do I need now?”

In formal EMDR, body scan is one phase: the client holds the event and positive belief in mind while scanning the body for lingering disturbance.

Use this after a short round, or whenever you notice the emotional intensity starting to change.

5. How to create healing/anchor words

Good anchor words should be:

Present-tense: “I am safe now,” not “One day I will be safe.”
Believable: “I am learning to protect myself” may work better than “Nothing can hurt me.”
Non-blaming: Never imply the trauma was your fault.
Agency-based: They should restore choice, control, dignity, and protection.
Short: One sentence is often stronger than a paragraph.
Body-friendly: The words should make your breathing or posture slightly easier.

A simple formula:

Old wound → new truth
Old belief → repairing belief
Then → now

Examples:

Old belief	Better anchor words
“I was powerless.”	“I have choices now.”
“It was my fault.”	“The responsibility was not mine.”
“I am not safe.”	“I am here now, and the danger is over.”
“I am broken.”	“I was hurt, and I am healing.”
“I should have stopped it.”	“I did what I could with what I had.”
“I am dirty/bad.”	“What happened to me does not define me.”
“No one protected me.”	“I can protect myself now, and I can seek support.”
“I am trapped.”	“I have a way out now.”

6. Picking the right anchor words by emotional need

For fear:

“I am safe enough right now.”
“The danger is over.”
“I can look around and see that I am here.”

For shame:

“This was not my fault.”
“I am still worthy.”
“What happened to me does not make me bad.”

For helplessness:

“I have choices now.”
“I can move, speak, and stop.”
“I have more power now than I had then.”

For grief:

“I can miss what I lost and still keep living.”
“My pain makes sense.”
“I can carry love without carrying all the hurt.”

For anger:

“My anger is information.”
“I can protect myself without destroying myself.”
“I can choose what I do next.”

For betrayal:

“Their actions were about them, not my worth.”
“I can trust myself again.”
“I can choose safer people now.”

For inner-child work:

“You were only a child.”
“You deserved protection.”
“I am with you now.”

7. What not to write as anchor words

Avoid words that pressure, deny, or spiritually bypass the wound.

Do not use:

“It was nothing.”
“I should be over this.”
“I forgive everyone completely.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“I am perfectly safe forever.”
“Other people had it worse.”

These can make the nervous system feel invalidated. It’s best to be truthful, kind, and believable.

8. How long to use it

Start small. Try one short round, then pause. Check your distress level from 0 to 10.

0 = calm or neutral
5 = uncomfortable but manageable
8–10 = too intense; stop and ground

Do not keep going just because the tool is active. In clinical EMDR, processing is structured, and a clinician constantly checks readiness, coping skills, the target memory, distress, body sensations, and positive beliefs.

9. After the session: closure

Do not end by jumping straight into work, social media, or conflict. Take two minutes to close.

Try this:

1. Look around the room.
2. Name five things you see.
3. Feel your feet.
4. Drink water.
5. Say: “The session is over. I am in the present.”
6. Write one sentence: “What do I notice now?”

Healing after trauma is usually gradual, not instant. Recovery is an ongoing process, where healing does not mean forgetting, but can mean fewer symptoms, less distress, and more confidence in coping with memories and symptoms.

10. When to use this tool, and when not to

Use it when:

You feel emotionally stable enough.
You have a specific memory or trigger to work with.
You can stay aware of the room around you.
You are willing to stop if it becomes too much.
You want gentle reflection, not forced breakthrough.

Do not use it alone when:

You feel suicidal or unsafe.
You dissociate easily.
You have severe flashbacks.
You feel compelled to punish yourself.
You are intoxicated or exhausted.
The memory involves intense trauma, and you have no support.
You become more dysregulated after using it.

11. Short quick-start version

1. Choose one manageable memory.
2. Write one or two sentences about it.
3. Add believable repairing/anchor words.
4. Follow the moving light.
5. Let your attention move between the memory and the words for repair.
6. Stop if intensity gets too high.
7. Ground yourself in the room.
8. End with a closure sentence: “That was then. I am here now.”

A strong default anchor phrase is:

“That happened then. This is now. I survived and I have choices.”